Do you replay conversations after they happen?
Wonder whether you said the wrong thing?
Think about what you should have done differently?
Imagine everything that could go wrong?
Try to make decisions but keep finding yourself going around in circles?
If so, you may be experiencing rumination or anxiety-driven overthinking.
Overthinking can feel productive because your brain is actively trying to solve something.
The problem is that thinking more doesn't always create more clarity.
Sometimes, it simply creates another question.
What Is Overthinking?
Overthinking is a general term people use to describe getting caught in repetitive or excessive thinking.
It might look like:
Replaying conversations
Analysing someone's tone or behaviour
Worrying about what someone thinks of you
Constantly reviewing decisions
Imagining worst-case scenarios
Trying to predict every possible outcome
Questioning whether you made the right choice
Seeking reassurance repeatedly
Thinking about a problem without reaching a solution
The content can vary, but the pattern is often similar.
Your mind keeps returning to the same subject because it is looking for certainty, safety, or resolution.
Why Does the Brain Keep Doing This?
Your brain is designed to notice potential problems.
When something feels uncertain, your mind may try to reduce that uncertainty by thinking through possibilities.
This can be helpful when you are actually solving a problem.
For example:
“I need to prepare for my presentation tomorrow.”
You make a plan.
You practise.
You prepare your materials.
The problem is finished.
Anxiety-driven thinking often works differently.
Instead of:
“What can I do?”
the question becomes:
“What if?”
What if they are upset with me?
What if I made the wrong decision?
What if something goes wrong?
What if I missed something?
What if I can't handle it?
There is no clear endpoint.
The Difference Between Problem-Solving and Rumination
One useful question is:
“Is this thinking helping me move forward?”
Problem-solving usually leads toward action.
Rumination tends to lead toward more thinking.
For example:
Problem-solving:
“I am worried about tomorrow's meeting. I will write down the three things I want to communicate.”
Rumination:
“What if they disagree? What if I sound stupid? What if they think I'm difficult? What if I forget something?”
The second thought process can continue indefinitely.
Why Reassurance Doesn't Always Stop Overthinking
When anxiety is high, reassurance can feel extremely comforting.
You might ask a friend:
“Do you think they're mad at me?”
They say no.
You feel better.
For a while.
Then another doubt appears.
“But what if they were just being polite?”
You ask again.
The reassurance temporarily reduces anxiety, but it may not address the underlying uncertainty.
Over time, your brain can become increasingly dependent on checking, analysing, or seeking reassurance to feel safe.
The Need for Certainty
Many people who struggle with overthinking are trying to answer a question that cannot actually be answered with complete certainty.
Will everything work out?
Will someone always like you?
Did you make the perfect decision?
Will you ever regret this?
Can you guarantee that nothing will go wrong?
Unfortunately, life does not provide that level of certainty.
Learning to tolerate some uncertainty can therefore be an important part of reducing anxiety.
This doesn't mean becoming careless.
It means learning that you can make reasonable decisions without having every possible outcome guaranteed.
What Happens When You Try to Force Thoughts Away?
A common response to unwanted thoughts is:
“Stop thinking about it.”
Unfortunately, trying to force a thought away can sometimes make you more aware of it.
Instead of fighting every thought, it can be more useful to notice what your mind is doing.
For example:
“My brain is looking for certainty right now.”
“This is an anxious thought, not necessarily a fact.”
“I don't have enough information to answer this completely.”
“I can come back to what I actually know.”
This creates some distance between you and the thought.
A Practical Exercise for Overthinking
The next time you notice yourself going in circles, pause and ask:
What am I worried about?
Is there something I can actually do about this?
If yes, what is one small action?
If no, am I trying to get certainty about something that cannot be guaranteed?
What would I do right now if I didn't need to feel 100% certain?
The goal isn't to eliminate every anxious thought.
It is to change your relationship with the thought.
Overthinking and Relationships
Overthinking can be particularly difficult in relationships.
You may analyse:
A partner's text message
A change in tone
How long they took to respond
Something they said during an argument
Whether they still feel the same way
Whether you are asking for too much
Whether you did something wrong
Sometimes the more you analyse the relationship, the less secure you feel.
This can create a cycle where anxiety leads to checking, reassurance-seeking, conflict, or withdrawal.
Learning to identify this pattern can be an important part of both individual and relationship work.
When Overthinking Starts Affecting Your Life
Occasional worry is part of being human.
But it may be time to consider counselling if overthinking is:
Interfering with sleep
Making it difficult to concentrate
Affecting your relationships
Making decisions feel exhausting
Increasing anxiety
Keeping you stuck in the past
Making it difficult to enjoy the present
Causing you to repeatedly seek reassurance
Preventing you from moving forward
You don't have to wait until anxiety becomes overwhelming.
How Counselling Can Help
Counselling can help you understand the patterns that keep your mind stuck.
Rather than simply trying to “think less,” the goal can be to develop more useful ways of responding to thoughts.
Depending on your needs, counselling may involve exploring:
Anxiety patterns
Cognitive distortions
Emotional regulation
Self-criticism
Uncertainty
Boundaries
Relationship patterns
Stress
Avoidance
Reassurance-seeking
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, and Solution-Focused approaches can provide practical tools for developing more flexible responses to difficult thoughts and emotions.
You Don't Have to Believe Every Thought
One of the most helpful shifts can be learning:
“I had a thought” is not the same as “this thought is true.”
Your brain will continue producing thoughts.
The goal isn't to control every thought.
It is to become better at noticing thoughts, evaluating them, and deciding which ones deserve your attention.
If you find yourself constantly overthinking, replaying conversations, worrying about the future, or struggling to switch your brain off, counselling can provide support in understanding what's underneath the pattern and developing practical strategies to respond differently.
At Calm Waters Counselling Services, I provide individual counselling in Chilliwack and virtually across BC.
You don't have to solve every possibility before you can move forward.